The Wonderful Wizard of Sal Tlay Ka Siti
by Cade Welentine
Summary: A Book of Mormon parody of the Wizard of Oz, with Nabulungi as Dorothy. Written mainly for my own amusement. Rated T only for language.


Nabulungi Hatimbi sat on a rock, her trusty texting device firmly on her lap. The warm Ugandan sun beat down on her from overhead. The heat did not deter her from her task, however, and she was as determined as ever to finish the text she was sending to Elder Cunningham.

She was requesting that he help her deal with the General, who, despite joining the Church, still maintained his short temper. In a fit of rage, he had threatened to smash her texting device to pieces the next time he saw her with it. Nabulungi knew that the only person who could control him would be Elder Cunningham.

Clouds began to gather overhead as she finished typing the last few words. She could hear thunder rumbling as she stood, placing the device into a little wooden basket she had carried with her. She dusted off her dress and pushed a stray curl of hair behind her ear before beginning the long walk towards the mission center.

Raindrops began to fall slowly, but steadily and Nabulungi began to wonder if a storm was coming. She picked up her pace as she heard another clap of thunder. Lightning flashed in the distance, illuminating the dusty road. She could just make out the outline of the mission center in the distance, a black silhouette against the lightning lit skyline. The lightning seemed to be getting closer, which did nothing to calm Nabulungi's slightly frayed nerves.

She could see a short figure in the doorway of the hut, beckoning her forward. She attempted to break into a run, but was stopped by a flash of light hitting the tree next to her. She vaguely registered falling to the ground and hearing her name yelled before everything went dark.

...

When Nabulungi awoke, her head was spinning slightly. Her surroundings seemed different than before, but she couldn't place her finger on a reason why. The air was definitely cooler, but that was to be expected after a thunderstorm. She moved her hand across the ground underneath her, searching for her basket. The road had a strange texture; instead of the soft, dusty clay she was accustomed to, it was rough, solid and slightly rocky. She blinked a few times, her eyes adjusting to the light. She glanced down at the road, her eyes widening at what she saw; It was paved.

Her eye caught her basket sitting next to her and she snatched it up. She stood cautiously, taking in her surroundings. There were tall, grayish buildings with rows of windows that stretched from the ground all the way to the roofs, which were covered in gold. The street was relatively empty, save for a few people here and there, their skin the color of the missionary boys'. A bright yellow car zipped by, mesmerizing her for a moment.

"I do not think I am in Uganda anymore." she whispered to no one in particular.

A boy with blonde, flared hair who had been walking past her stopped and did a double take upon seeing her.

"Well, hello there." He said, smiling. "You look quite lost, dear. Could I help you?"

"I am quite lost, Mister...I am sorry, I do not know your name." She admitted shyly.

"My name is Moroni, I'm an angel of the Lord, but please, don't stand on ceremony, just call me Moroni." he explained.

"Moroni?" Nabulungi repeated. "That name sounds awfully familiar. My friend, Elder Cunningham, he has told me stories about someone with that name, but that Moroni is a wizard, and you do not look like a wizard to me."

"A wizard?" Moroni smiled. "I'm not the wizard around here."

"Where is here, exactly?" she wondered.

"Why, you're in Sal Tlay Ka Siti!" he laughed.

"Sal Tlay Ka Siti?" Nabulungi gasped. "But, but- I can't be."

"Ah, but you are." Moroni confirmed.

"I should go home so I can bring my friends and my father here with me." Nabulungi decided nervously.

"I don't think I can help you with getting home, but you know who probably could? The Wizard." he explained.

"Where would I find this wizard?" she wondered.

"In Orlando, of course! Just follow the path of yellow bricks to get there." he laughed, pointing to a trail of vivid yellow bricks on the sidewalk.

"Okay. I will. Thank you, Mister Moroni." she thanked, turning on her heel to begin following the trail.

"Oh, wait!" Moroni cried, catching a glimpse of her bare feet. She stopped and turned to face him.

"Yes?" she wondered.

"You can't walk around here like that!" he stated, gesturing to her feet. "Here, take these." He rummaged through his bag, pulling out a pair of sparkling, golden shoes. He held them out for to take but she hesitated in accepting.

"Take these." He advised, handing them to her. "They'll protect you on your journey."

"Protect me from what?" Nabulungi inquired nervously.

"The Wicked General of the West." Moroni stated. "But, whatever you do, do _not _take them off. The General has wanted to get his hands on them for a very long time, and in the wrong hands-his hands- they would be very dangerous."

Nabulungi nodded and slipped the shoes on to her feet. The fit perfectly and were surprisingly comfortable.

"Thank you very much, Mister Moroni." she offered with a thankful grin.

"Don't mention it." he replied, offering his own grin. "Good luck, Miss Nabulungi."

With a final wave, she turned, skipping down the path of bricks, swinging her basket slightly and humming a cheerful tune.

It didn't occur to her until much later that she had never told Moroni her name.

...

Nabulungi was unsure of how long she had been walking for when she stumbled upon a fork in the path of yellow bricks. The path branched off in two different directions, separated by a small, wooden fence-lined cornfield. The field was guarded by a tall scarecrow, which Nabulungi thought looked somewhat saddened by his situation.

"Oh." she groaned. "What way should I go? Mister Moroni did not mention anything about a fork in the path."

"Excuse me, but it's very nice that way." a voice explained as the scarecrow's head tilted slightly towards the path on the right.

"Who said that?" Nabulungi demanded, feeling slightly afraid.

"But it's also quite pleasant that way." the voice continued as the scarecrow's head tilted towards the path on the left. Nabulungi was unsettled by the fact that the scarecrow seemed to be moving.

"Wasn't its head just pointing the other way...?" she wondered aloud.

"Of course, people do go both ways." The voice said as the scarecrow's head snapped up to look at Nabulungi. She jumped back in alarm.

"It was you who was talking?" she asked nervously. "Why are you suggesting both ways, can't you make up your mind?"

"Nope." the scarecrow sighed. "That's my problem. I can't make up my mind; I don't have a brain, and, therefore, no mind to make up."

"But how do you talk if you do not have a brain?" Nabulungi questioned.

"I don't know." he admitted. "But brainless people do an awful lot talking, don't they?"

"You make a very good point." Nabulungi agreed, nodding. Her fear of the scarecrow had disappeared. His face looked awfully familiar to her; it was friendly with a large smile, similar to Elder Price's, although his clothes certainly were not.

"Thank you. It's good to know I can do some things without a brain." he smiled.

"I do not believe we have met properly." Nabulungi decided. "Have we?"

"No. I don't think we have." the scarecrow agreed.

"How do you do?" she wondered.

"How do you do?" he repeated.

"I am very well, thank you." she replied.

"Oh. I'm not feeling very well at all. It's terribly uncomfortable being up on this pole." he explained.

"Can't you get down?" she asked.

"Down? No, you see, I'm stuck on a nail." he sighed.

"Oh. Well, let me help you then." she ordered.

"Really? Thank you!"

Nabulungi stepped forward, setting her basket down on the ground. She carefully reached behind the scarecrow and pulled the fabric of his shirt off of the small nail it was stuck on. He tumbled off, some of the hay he was stuffed with shaking loose.

"Whoops!" he giggled. "There goes some more of me!"

"Does that not hurt?" Nabulungi inquired.

"No, not really. I just pick it back up and stuff it in again." the scarecrow explained. "Gosh, it feels good to be free."

"Oh." Nabulungi mumbled.

"Did I scare you?" the scarecrow wondered hopefully.

"No, I was just worried that you had injured yourself." she replied.

"But did I scare you?" he repeated.

"No, of course not."

"Darn it! I can't scare anyone. Not even a crow. It's all because I don't have a brain."

"What would you do if you did have a brain, Mister Scarecrow?"

"Please, call me Kevin. That's my name."

"What would you do if you did have a brain, Kevin?"

"I'd finally decide what I believe."

"What do you mean?"

"Well there are a lot of questions about what comes before and after life, and I'd use my brain to ponder these questions and draw up my own conclusions."

"That sounds very important."

"I like to think it is."

"There are some people back in Uganda who have been teaching me about the answers to those questions."

"Where's Uganda?"

"That's where I live, and I'm trying to get back there, so I'm going to visit the Wizard in Orlando to see if he can help me. I've been told he might be able to."

"Say, Miss..."

"Nabulungi."

"Say, Nabulungi, do you think this wizard could give me a brain?"

"I don't see why not. And even if he couldn't, you'd be no worse off than you are now."  
"Would you mind if I joined you on your journey, then? I won't be a bother, I promise. I don't eat anything and I won't try to tell you what to do since I don't have a brain to tell me what to do."

"Of course you can come!"

"Oh, I was hoping you'd say yes!"

Kevin smiled and threw his arms around her in a big hug, lifting her off the ground and spinning her around.

"To Orlando?" he asked, setting her down.

"To Orlando!" she confirmed, grinning.

...

The walk down the yellow brick path was much more enjoyable now that Nabulungi had a companion. The two talked at length about Uganda, a topic that seemed to fascinate Kevin. He had confessed to her that he had never seen anything but the small stretch of path in front of his cornfield.

"Is it cold there?" Kevin wondered. "I feel like it would be cold there."

"It is not cold at all. It is actually very hot." Nabulungi replied.

"Wow. I'm guessing it isn't anything like Sal Tlay Ka Siti." he mused.

"That is correct." Nabulungi confirmed. "The roads in Uganda are made of dirt. There are bugs everywhere. And scarecrows certainly don't talk."

"What can I say?" Kevin laughed. "I'm one of a kind."

"Yes, you certainly are." Nabulungi agreed, giggling slightly. She sighed before continuing, "The trees are so pretty here."

"I suppose they are." Kevin mumbled. A few brown drops of liquid began to fall from the sky.

"What is happening?" Nabulungi inquired.

"Oh, it's just raining. C'mon, let's go hide under those trees until it stops." Kevin replied calmly.

"But why is the rain brown? Water is not brown." she stated.

"Water?" he laughed. "Rain's not made of water, it's made of coffee!" He ran off of the path, taking shelter under one of the larger, leafier trees in the woods surrounding the path.

"Rain is not made of coffee in Uganda." Nabulungi muttered, shaking her head as she followed Kevin underneath the tree.

The two companions sat down, leaning against the tree. Nabulungi watched in awe as coffee began to puddle in indentations in the road. She couldn't help but think that Elder Price would have loved to see coffee rain.

Kevin stuck his tongue out, catching droplets of coffee on his tongue.

"Mmm. Try it." He urged. Nabulungi giggled and stuck her tongue out as well. The droplets weren't warm like the coffee at the cafe back home, but rather cold and refreshing. The coffee was slightly more bitter than she'd have liked but she savored the taste anyway.

She glanced around at their surroundings as Kevin continued to catch droplets on his tongue, his hay shuffling noisily as he did so. Nabulungi's eye caught something metallic further into the wood.

"Do you see that?" She asked Kevin, pointing at the object.

"Yes, I do." He replied, breaking from catching droplets. "What do you suppose it is?"

"I have no idea." Nabulungi admitted.

The two heard a muffled cry of "Help me!"

"I think it came from over there." Kevin whispered, pointing at the metallic object.

"Let us go check it out." She suggested, rising from her seat and dusting off her dress. She picked up her basket, her texting device shifting loudly inside of it.

"Do you really think that's good idea?" he wondered nervously.

"Of course not." she replied. "But a lot of good things have come from following bad ideas."

"I'm not sure that follows." he considered, scrunching up his nose.

"C'mon." she insisted, grabbing his hand and pulling him to his feet. Still grasping his hand, she began to trudge toward the metallic object, dragging Kevin behind her.

As Nabulungi got closer to the object, she was able to make out its shape. It was tall, though not as tall as Kevin. It also had a humanoid shape, with two arms and two legs and a head.

"It's a tin man!" she gasped, looking back at Kevin excitedly.

"He's kind of handsome." Kevin mumbled, looking down at his feet. Nabulungi giggled softly in response.

"Oil can! Oil can!" the tin man cried in a muffled tone.

"Did you say something?" Nabulungi asked the tin man.

"Oil can!" he repeated.

"He said oil can." she told Kevin.

"Oil can what?" Kevin inquired.

"Oil can..." Nabulungi muttered, looking around the area. She spotted a small, metal can on the ground.

"Oh! Oil can!" she cried, bending over to pick it up. "Where do you want to be oiled first?"

"My mouth!" he replied.

"He said his mouth." Kevin explained. Nabulungi nodded and lifted the can to the man's mouth, letting a few drops of oil drip onto the corners of his lips.

"M-my goodness!" the tin man cried. "I can talk again! Oh, please, oil my arms!" Nabulungi smiled and obliged his request, dripping oil onto his joints.

"Thank you!" the tin man cried, wiggling his arms. He danced around for a moment, his feet making clicking noises on the ground, like those fancy shoes Elder McKinley sometimes wore.

After a moment of enjoying his newfound freedom, he gasped, "Oh! I'm being terribly rude, we haven't been properly introduced! My name is Connor. What're your names?"

"I am Nabulungi, and this is Kevin." Nabulungi explained. "How on earth did you get stuck like this?"

"I was out for a walk when it started to rain and I rusted solid." Connor explained.

"Well, you're perfect now." Kevin stated, smiling shyly.

"Perfect?" Connor repeated, laughing slightly. "Bang on my chest if you think I'm perfect!" Kevin eagerly reached out to touch Connor's chest, but hesitated before his fingers touched the metal.

"Go on." Connor urged. "Bang on it." Kevin nodded and let his fingers connect with the metal, banging gently.

"Beautiful." Kevin breathed. "What an echo."

"It's empty." Connor sighed sadly. "The tinsmith forgot to give me a heart."  
"No heart?" Nabulungi wondered.

"No heart. " Connor confirmed. "I'm all hollow."

"Do you want a heart?" Nabulungi asked.

"Of course." Connor replied.

"What would you do with it if you had one? That is, if you don't mind my asking." Kevin inquired.

"I'd find someone to love for the rest of my days." Connor explained wistfully.

"You know," Nabulungi started cautiously. "Kevin and I are on our way to Orlando to see the Wizard. Perhaps you could come with us and ask the Wizard for a heart."

"And suppose he doesn't give me one when we get there?" Connor challenged.

"Oh, but he has to. We've come so far already, he just has to." Nabulungi stated firmly.

There was a strange sort of cackling laugh from behind them and Nabulungi quickly whipped around to face it. The cackler was a large, imposing man with dark skin and a black eyepatch. He wore a black cut-off shorts and a cargo vest, similar, Nabulungi noticed, to what the General wore. His head was adorned by a large, pointy black hat.

"You call that long? You've only just begun." he laughed, looking the trio up and down. He stared at Nabulungi's golden shoes with a mixture of envy and knowingness.

"Helping the little lady along, are you, gentlemen?" he continued. "I'd stay away from her if I were you. Things won't end well if you don't. I'll get you, pretty little thing, and your shoes and typewriter, too!" He laughed again as a puff of acrid black smoke began to appear at his feet, sending Nabulungi into a coughing fit. When the smoke had cleared, the man was gone.

"Who was that?" she wondered.

"The Wicked General of the West. The wickedest warlord in all of Sal Tlay Ka Siti." Connor explained.

"I'm not afraid of him." Kevin decided. "I'll make sure you get to the Wizard, whether or not a get a brain."

"I'm not afraid of him either." Connor agreed. "I'll see you to Orlando whether I get a heart or not!"

Nabulungi grinned, "Oh, you two are the best friends anybody ever had. And it is funny, I feel as though I have known you for a very long time. But I could not have, could I?"

"I don't see how." Kevin reasoned. "You weren't around when I was sewn together, were you?"

"And I was standing over there rusting for the longest time." Connor added.

"Still, I wish I could remember. But I suppose it doesn't matter. We know each other now, do we not?" she decided.

"That's right!" Kevin agreed.

"We do." Connor smiled.

"To Orlando?" Kevin wondered.

"To Orlando!" Connor confirmed.

...

"I do not really like this forest. It is dark and creepy." Nabulungi announced as the trio ventured further down the yellow brick path.

"Of course, I don't really know, but I think it'll get darker before it gets lighter." Kevin mused.

"Do you think we will come across any wild animals?" she wondered.

"We might." Connor guessed.

"Animals that eat straw?" Kevin inquired, nervously pushing a bit of his stuffing back up his sleeve.

"Some do. But I figure we'll mostly come across lions and tigers and bears." Connor reasoned.

"Lions?" Nabulungi gasped.

"And tigers?" Kevin added.

"And bears!" Connor shouted.

"Oh my." Nabulungi muttered.

Just then, a short, chubby figure jumped out in front of them from behind one of the trees. He was a clearly a lion; he had a golden mane and fur, as well as a long golden tail. Only two things differentiated him from the average lion was that he stood upright on his hind legs, like a man, and a pair of thick, chunky black glasses.

"Put 'em up! Put 'em up!" he cried, waving his fists slightly. "Which one of you first? I'll fight you both together, if you want. I'll fight ya' with one paw tied behind my back!"

Connor ordered, "Go away and leave us alone."

"Oh, scared, huh? Afraid, huh?" the lion countered. "Ha! How long can you stay fresh in that can? Come on, get up and fight, you shivering junk yard! Put your hands up, you lop-sided bag of hay!"

"Now that's getting personal, Lion." Kevin protested.

"Yes, go and teach him a lesson." Connor encouraged, pushing Kevin towards the other creature.

"Well, what's wrong with you teaching him?" Kevin wondered, stepping backward.

"Well, I- I hardly know him!" Connor cried in defense.

The lion, bored by this turn of events, turned his attention on a small squirrel that had scurried by. He leaped towards it, bearing his teeth and growling.

"Shame on you!" Nabulungi scolded, tapping the lion on the nose with her basket. He whimpered in response, clutching his nose.

"What did you do that for?" he demanded. "I didn't bite him."

"No, but you tried to." Nabulungi replied calmly. "It is bad enough to be picking on a straw man, but when you go around picking on poor little animals, that is just horrible."

"You didn't have to go and hit me, did you?" the lion countered. He removed his paws from his nose. "Is my nose bleeding?"

"Of course not!" Nabulungi cried. "My, what a fuss you are making. And picking on things weaker than you are shows that you are nothing but a great big coward."

"I know." the lion sighed. "I'll be known as Arnold the Cowardly. I haven't any courage at all. I even scare myself. Look at the circles under my eyes; I haven't slept in weeks!"

"Why don't you try counting sheep?" Connor suggested.

"That doesn't do any good." Arnold replied sadly. "I'm afraid of them."

"Oh, that's awful. Do you think the Wizard could help him too, Nabulungi?" Kevin wondered.

"I don't see why not." Nabulungi reasoned. "Why don't you come along with us?"

"Where are you going?" Arnold inquired.

"We are on our way to Orlando, to see the Wizard, to get Connor a heart." Nabulungi explained.

"And Kevin a brain." Connor added helpfully.

Kevin gasped, "You remembered!"

"Of course I remembered, it's only been a little while." Connor laughed.

"I'm sure the Wizard could give you some courage." Nabulungi continued.

"Won't you feel degraded to be seen in the company of a cowardly lion?" Arnold wondered nervously.

"Of course not." Nabulungi replied, smiling widely.

"Gee that's-that's awfully nice of you. My life has been simply unbearable. But, maybe with some courage, I'll be able to man up and stop being such a follower." Arnold offered shyly.

"Well, it's all going to be alright now. The Wizard will fix everything!"

...

The yellow brick path abruptly ended at a large white door with golden trim. The door was part of a large, white, stone wall that seemed to surround a city.

"Orlando." Kevin breathed excitedly. "Quick! Knock on the door!"

Nabulungi nodded and gave three quick, deliberate knocks on the door, It was opened by a short blonde boy. He clutched a small silver package in his hands and Nabulungi could see a bit of pale pastry with white frosting sticking out of it.

"Please, state your business." the boy requested.

"Well, we would like to see the Wizard, please." Nabulungi explained.

"The Wizard?" The boy repeated incredulously. "But nobody can see the great Joseph Smith. Nobody's ever seen the great Joseph Smith. Even I've never seen him."

"Well, then how do you know there is one?" Connor asked.

"Because-because-Oh! You're wasting my time." the boy began to close the door but Nabulungi stuck her foot out and stopped it.

"Oh, please, sir. I've got to see the Wizard. The angel Moroni sent me!" she begged.

"Prove it." the boy demanded.

"She's wearing the golden shoes _he _gave her!" Kevin cried, pointing down at Nabulungi's feet. The boy followed Kevin's finger, his eyes widening as he took in the sight of the golden slippers.

"She is! Why didn't you say so in the first place? That's a Pop Tart of a different flavor." The boy said, stepping aside. "Come in."

...

Once inside Orlando, Nabulungi was whisked away from her friends, each of them being sent in a different direction to be "tidied up"- as the Pop Tart boy put it.

Nabulungi was brought to small salon. The two very nice women inside had her sit in a very comfortable chair. It was unlike any chair she had ever seen in Uganda. And when one of the women pushed a button on a remote, little balls inside the chair began to roll around. The women painted her fingernails golden and straightened her hair, pulling it back and securing it with a golden bow.

When they asked her to stand up, they pulled off her dress, which made Nabulungi slightly uncomfortable, but they replaced it with a beautiful white one. The new dress flowed down to her knees and had thin straps. She wished that Elder Cunningham could have seen her in it, he would've thought she looked beautiful.

The women pushed her out of the salon once they had finished. The blonde boy was waiting outside for her and he led her back to her friends, each of whom was done up similarly. Arnold's mane was combed and curled, his fur brushed. Connor's metal sparkled underneath the lights of the shop windows. Kevin's straw was barely even peeking out anymore, and his stitching looked to be quite a bit more secure, they had replaced his hat as well, giving him a bright white one.

The group followed the blonde boy to another large doorway, similar to the one they had come to at the entrance to Orlando.

"I have to leave you here," the boy explained. "But just knock on the door. Someone will let you in." Nabulungi nodded and the boy rushed away. She took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

This door was opened by a dark haired boy with a slightly annoyed expression on his face.

"Hello, sir." Nabulungi began. "We would like to see the Wizard right away, please."

"Sorry." the boy said. "Orders are: Nobody can see the great Joseph Smith! No one at all."

"Oh, but, please, it's very important." Nabulungi insisted.

"And I got a perm just for the occasion." Arnold whined, pawing at his hair.

"Sorry, can't help you." the boy shrugged.

"But she's Nabulungi!" Kevin protested.

"Moroni's Nabulungi?" the boy wondered. Kevin nodded in response. "Well that makes a difference! Just wait here- I'll announce you at once!" The boy gently shut the door, leaving the four friends outside.

"Did you hear that? He'll announce us at once! I've as good as got my brain!" Kevin grinned.

"I can fairly hear my heart beating." Connor sighed.

"I'll be home in time for supper!" Nabulungi gushed.

"I'll be king of the forest in no time at all!" Arnold added.

The door opened and the dark haired boy stood in its place.

"Go home." he cried. "The Wizard says go away."

"Go away?" Nabulungi repeated.

"Well, it looks like we came a long way for nothing." Kevin sighed. Nabulungi nodded, sinking down to sit on the ground, not caring if she got her pretty, white dress dirty. She could feel tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Oh, don't cry, Nabulungi." Connor begged. "We're gonna get you to the Wizard somehow."

"We certainly are." Kevin agreed.

"My friends and family were so good to me, and I came to paradise without them. And now I will never see them again. I will never laugh at Elder Price's 'secret' coffee addiction. I will never cook dinner with Baba. I will never try to tap dance like Elder McKinley. I will never hear Elder Cunningham call me one of his strange pronunciations of my name. I will never forgive myself. Never. Never. Never." Nabulungi sobbed.

"Oh, please don't cry anymore." the boy pleaded. "I'll get you to the Wizard. I swear, I will." He disappeared for a moment again, then reappeared, pointing the friends down a long hall. "Just follow this hall and you'll be there." he advised, sending them on their way.

Arnold rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "You know, I was just thinking, I don't really want to see the Wizard that much. I should just wait outside."

"What's the matter?" Kevin wondered.

"He's just scared again." Connor explained.

Nabulungi wiped at her eyes. "Don't you know that the Wizard is going to give you some courage?" she asked.

"I'll be too scared to ask for it." Arnold mumbled.

"Then we'll ask for you." she decided.

"No, thanks, I'll just stay out here." he replied.

"Why?" she countered.

"I'm still scared!" he whined.

"Oh, come on!" Nabulungi cried. She grabbed him by the paw and yanked him down the hall. It opened into a great throne room. Seated at the throne in the center of the room was a large, mechanical head plated all in gold.

"I am the great and powerful Joseph Smith!" The head bellowed, its mouth moving rigidly and robotically. "Who dares to stand before my throne."

Nabulungi gulped before stepping forward to say, "Please, sir, I am Nabulungi, the small and meek, and we come to you seeking-"

"Silence!" the head screeched, cutting her off. "I know why you are here. I know all. You, Tin Man, step forward." Connor shakily obliged the wizard's request. "You come to me seeking a heart, don't you, you clattery, shaking piece of rusty junk? And Scarecrow, you have the audacity to request a brain?"

"Uh, yes sir. That sounds about right." Kevin agreed softly.

"And Lion!" the head called. Arnold whimpered, not stepping forward.

"Well?" The head tried again, blowing a small amount of fire from its nostrils. This did nothing to calm Arnold's already frayed nerves, and he began to quiver behind Nabulungi.

"Shame on you!" Nabulungi cried. "Frightening him when all he did was come to you for help!"

'Hush, child. The benevolent Joseph Smith has every intention of granting your requests." the head explained. "But first, you must do something for me."

"Well, what is it?" Nabulungi inquired.

"I want you to bring me the gun of the Wicked General of the West." the head explained.

"But to do that we'd have to kill him!" Kevin protested.

"That sounds like a you problem." the head mused. "But if you don't want to solve it, that's quite alright. You just won't get the things you requested."

"But what if he kills us?" Arnold wondered meekly.

"Then you won't need the things you requested, now will you?" the head replied, blowing out another small amount of fire, followed by a thick puff of acrid smoke. "Now, GO!"

...

"This is going to be _impossible_!" Arnold whined as the foursome walked in the direction of the Wicked General's camp.

"Well, of course it will be if you keep thinking like that." Kevin sighed. "You need to be more positive."

"I think we're almost there." Nabulungi announced, hoping to break up any conflict before it arose.

There was the sound of leaves crunching in the woods beside them.

"What was that?" Arnold whimpered.

"Leaves, you big baby." Kevin huffed.

"I hear voices." Connor commented as the sound of men crying "Grab her!" carried through the forest.

The group froze as a group of men carrying an assortment of weapons descended upon them. One of the men picked Nabulungi up, throwing her over his shoulder. Connor swung at him with his axe, but the man caught it and hurled it into the woods. Kevin tried valiantly to fight the man hand to hand, but two of the man's group members grabbed him and held him down. Nabulungi kicked and screamed as the man carried her down the path towards the General's camp, but he did not seem fazed by her attempts. She could hear fighting in the background and closed her eyes, saying a silent prayer that her friends would not be harmed, although she wasn't sure if God could hear her here.

...

"You have two options, my pretty girl, you can give me those lovely golden shoes, or I can throw your 'texting device'- as you insist on calling it- out the window." The General explained, holding on tightly to Nabulungi's testing device.

"But the angel of the Lord, Moroni, told me not to give you my shoes." Nabulungi said.

"Moroni, that fool." The General grumbled under his breath. "Look, just give me the shoes and nobody gets hurt."

"Alright, take your fucking shoes. I do not want them anyway. Just give me back my texting device." Nabulungi huffed. The Wicked General greedily jumped down to take the shoes, grabbing them roughly and knocking Nabulungi off her feet. He jumped back from them, as if they had burned him.

"Goddamnit!" he cried. "I should've known! I can't take your shoes while you're still alive. Not that that's a problem to me. Let's get this over with." He pulled his gun out of its holster and began to polish it, preparing it to shoot.

Nabulungi couldn't believe this was how she was going to die, trapped in an evil warlord's castle, who knows how far away from home? And it was going to hurt. How she had prayed that it wouldn't hurt when she died.

The General held the gun up, pointing it at her and she shut her eyes tightly.

He began to count to three. "One. Two. Thre-" There was a thumping sound and Nabulungi opened her eyes to see that the General had fallen to the ground, Connor standing over him, with Arnold and Kevin behind him, all dressed in the guards' uniforms.

"Leave the girl alone." he said dramatically. She could tell he was revelling in it.

"Don't just stand there, you fools! Seize them!" The Wicked General ordered. He pushed himself off the ground as the guards began to surround the foursome.

"My, my, how the tables have turned." He commented. "Not that I'm surprised. Just a little sad that now I have to kill all of you. And the last to go will have to watch all the others before her! Now, Scarecrow, how about a little fire?" He grabbed a torch from the wall and flung it at Kevin, whose arm was immediately engulfed in flame.

"I'm burning!" Kevin yelped. "Any help would be greatly appreciated!" Nabulungi glanced around, grabbing the first thing she saw that could douse the flames: a bucket of water.

"No! Don't throw water!" The General cried as Nabulungi tossed the bucket, covering both he and Kevin with the liquid.

"Look what you've done!" The General whined as his skin began to bubble and smoke. "I'm melting because of you!" It was all anyone could do to watch as he slowly became nothing but a sticky puddle on the floor. His pointed black hat floated on top of the puddle like the paper boats she used to race with Arnold on the river.

"You killed him." One of the guards announced incredulously.

"I am very sorry! I did not mean to!" Nabulungi cried. She suddenly was very worried that the guards would hurt her now that she had destroyed their leader.

"Sorry? Why are you sorry?" another guard asked. "This is the best thing that has ever happened!"

"Hail Nabulungi!" The guards cried. "The Wicked General is dead!"

"Oh, may we please have his gun?" Nabulungi requested.

"Of course." a guard said, handing her the weapon. "Take it. It's yours. Thank you."

"Thank you," Nabulungi said, turning to her friends. "Now the wizard will grant our wishes."

...

"Next week? You won't see us again until _next week_?" Nabulungi demanded.

"Yes, that's right." The Wizard confirmed, the mechanical head moving up and down as it spoke.

"But we've done everything you've asked! You have the Wicked General's gun. He's dead. All I want in return is for you to keep your promise." Nabulungi protested.

"I will keep my promise when you come back next week." The Wizard replied.

"But I want to go home now!" Nabulungi yelled, stomping her foot. This caused something much bigger than she had imagined. The floor began to shake and the curtain behind the throne fell down.

"There's a man back there!" Kevin announced, pointing at the small, scrawny, blonde figure that the falling of the curtain had revealed.

"Um, pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!" The Head cried as the man spoke into a small device that looked like a telephone. "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!"

"You're not a wizard at all, are you?" Connor demanded.

The man sighed, "No. I, Joseph Smith, am more man than Wizard, although I like to appear more Wizard than man."

"You're an awful man, lying to all these people." Nabulungi decided.

"No! I'm a good man, just an awful wizard." Joseph assured her. "But they wanted a Wizard more than they wanted another citizen, so I became what they wanted."

"So what about the things you promised us?" Kevin inquired. "Like my brain?"

"Well, my dear Scarecrow, anybody can have a brain. Anything that's alive has a brain. Why, where I come from, we have whole institutions dedicated to becoming a better thinker, and the men who graduate from there have no more brains than you do. However, there is one thing they have that you don't: a diploma." Joseph explained. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a scroll of paper. "I hereby decree that you are a master of Thinkology, the finest one in all of Oz!"

"Gee whiz!" Kevin gasped, taking the scroll. "A master of Thinkology? You mean it?"

"Of course." Joseph smiled. "As for you, Lion, the one thing that separates you from the 'brave' heroes where I come from is a medal, so I bestow upon you a medal of valor for your efforts in bringing the Wicked General of West to Justice." He reached into his pocket again, producing a bronze medal.

"Look at that, Nabulungi!" Arnold cried, thrusting the medal in her face. "It says 'courage' right on it!"

"It is very nice." Nabulungi agreed with a small smile.  
"And as for the Tin Man, I must advise you against getting a heart. They really have no value until someone can make one that is unbreakable." Joseph warned.

"I-I still want one." Connor decided.

"Back where I come from," Joseph began. "There are men who sit around all day doing nothing but good deeds. Now most of them have hearts no bigger than yours, but they do have one thing you haven't: a testimonial." He reached into his pocket again, pulling out a heart shaped clock that dangled on a chain. "Please, take this as a token of our appreciation for your kindness."

"Oh! It ticks!" Connor gushed, staring at the watch fondly.

"It's wonderful." Nabulungi said. "They're all wonderful."

"Now, hey, what about Nabulungi?" Kevin asked.

"I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me." Nabulungi said sadly.

"Well, that's true, Miss Nabulungi." Joseph agreed. "But that doesn't mean I can't grant your wish."

"B-but how?" Nabulungi wondered.

An amused smile danced across Joseph's face before he cried, "By taking you there myself!"

...

"And so it is with great sorrow that I part from you, my beloved subjects. And in my absence, I appoint the Scarecrow to rule over you, assisted by the Tin Man and the Lion, until the time that I return. If I return at all. Obey them as you would me." Joseph Smith bellowed across the great room, filled with Sal Tlay Ka Sitians. "Now, I must depart on this journey to escort the lovely Miss Nabulungi back to her home. Farewell, my fellow Sal Tlay Ka Sitians." He climbed into the basket of the great balloon that sat in the center of the great room. He held the door open for her, and just as she was about to join him, a gust of wind blew all of her texts from her basket.

"Oh no!" She cried. "Come back! Oh please, don't go without me! I'll be right back!" She ran after the scattering papers, leaving the wizard in the dust. She had begged him not to go without her too late, however, and the balloon began to float away as she stood in the crowd, her papers settling around her feet.

"Oh! Come back!" she wailed, but he did not seem to hear her. "Now I'll never get home!"

"Then stay with us, Nabulungi." Arnold suggested. "We all love you. None of us wants to see you go."

"Oh, Arnold, I wish I could, but, this will never be home. Besides, Baba had probably stopped wondering where I am by now." Nabulungi explained. "Kevin, what am I going to do?"

Instead of Kevin, a person in the crowd answered, "I believe that I can help with that." The crowd parted to allow the angel Moroni to approach the center of the room.

"Sweet Moroni's trumpet." Nabulungi gasped, using one of the funny little sayings that Elders Price and Cunningham often used.

"Right here." Moroni said, waving his golden trumpet in the air.

"Oh, dear Moroni, will you help me?" Nabulungi begged. "Can you help me?"

"You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to get back to Uganda." Moroni explained.

"I have?" Nabulungi wondered. "Then why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because you wouldn't have believed me. You had to learn it for yourself." Moroni said.

"Well, Nabulungi? What did you learn?" Kevin wondered.

"Well, I guess that I learned that it was not enough just to want to see Baba and Elders Price, Cunningham and McKinley again. And if I ever want to go looking for my heart's desire again, I do not really have to look anywhere but my own backyard, because it's already there, with all my friends. Is that right?" Nabulungi mused.

"Exactly." Moroni grinned.

"But that's so simple, I should've thought of it for you." Kevin cried.

"I should've felt it in my heart." Connor added.

"No, no. She had to learn it for herself." Moroni said. "But now that she has, those magic shoes of hers will take her home in two seconds."

"Now?" Nabulungi wondered hopefully.

"Whenever you wish." Moroni smiled.

"That is too good to be true." Nabulungi gasped. "But it will be so difficult to say goodbye. I have come to love you all so dearly, almost as if I have known you for a very long time."

"Oh, Nabulungi." Connor whimpered, a few tears beginning to roll down his shiny, silver face.

"Don't cry, Connor. You'll rust." Nabulungi chided. She wrapped her arms around him in a hug. "Goodbye."

"I know I have heart because its breaking." Connor said, wiping at his tears with metallic fingers.

"Goodbye, Arnold." Nabulungi said, hugging him as well. "I know it is not right, but I am going to miss the way you used to holler before you got your courage."

"Oh, that's alright. I miss it too." Arnold giggled. "Besides, I'd never have found it if it hadn't been for you."

Nabulungi moved to Kevin next, squeezing him so tightly that his hay shifted.

"I think that I will miss you most of all." she whispered. Kevin didn't say anything in response, just stared at his feet, blinking as though he were fighting back tears.

"Are you ready now?" Moroni wondered sweetly.

"Yes. Goodbye everyone." Nabulungi repeated. "Yes, I'm-I'm ready now."

"Then all you need to do is close your eyes and tap your heels three times, and think to yourself 'there's no place like home.'" he explained.

"There's no place like home." Nabulungi repeated, her eyes shut. "There's no place like home. There's no place like home."

...

"There's no place like home." Nabulungi murmured, wiggling on the couch that Elder Price had placed her on.

"C'mon, Naba, wake up." McKinley prodded.

"There's no place like home." Nabulungi said again.

"It's me, dear. Wake up." McKinley said. Her eyelids fluttered open.

"Elder McKinley, is that really you?" she wondered.

"Yes, it is."

"Is she awake yet?" Elder Cunningham called as he entered the room, Elder Price trailing behind him.

"Yup." McKinley grinned.

"Naba, we really thought you were gonna leave us for a while." Price said.

"But that is the thing, Elder Price. I did leave. I went to a far off land and I tried to get back to you all for days and days." Nabulungi explained.

"It's all fine now, you just had a bad dream." McKinley said comfortingly.

"No, it wasn't a dream." Nabulungi insisted. "It was a place. And you were there. You were all there! But I guess you couldn't have been."

"We dream lots of silly things." McKinley decided.

"Yeah, Elder Price dreams about Orlando a lot." Cunningham chimed in.

"Hey! Orlando is not silly." Price protested.

"No, this was a real place. A real live place. And some of it wasn't very nice, but most of it was beautiful and most of the people were quite nice. But all I wanted to do was get back to you guys. And, oh, doesn't anybody believe me?" she whined.

"Of course we believe you, Nacreous." Elder Cunningham assured her.

Nabulungi smiled. "Well, I suppose it doesn't really matter now, because I'm home. With all of you. And I'm never going to leave you again because I love you all so much. There's no place like home, you guys. No place like home."


End file.
